


Every Diogee Has His Day

by revenblue



Series: ['verse] OWCAstuck Elsewhere [1]
Category: Homestuck, Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: AU where (amongst other things) Diogee passes the Harkness Test, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Petstuck (Homestuck), Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crack Relationships, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Diogee is a troll and by troll I mean Alternian, M/M, Milo himself doesn't show up but his relationship to Diogee is important here, Milo ♣ Diogee ♣ Murphy's Law is canon and you can't convince me otherwise, POV Second Person, Rough Kissing, not MML season 2 compliant, probably not fandom-blind for Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24346273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: He's always coming around these days, inserting himself where he doesn't belong, which is between Milo and danger. That'syourauspisticism he's treading on.
Relationships: Milo Murphy & Diogee, Vinnie Dakota/Diogee
Series: ['verse] OWCAstuck Elsewhere [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757713
Kudos: 3
Collections: Lower Your Damn Standards: week 4: off-brand/id-work





	Every Diogee Has His Day

Sniffing around the yard of your hive, underneath the dead leaves now covering the grass, you come across a scent that you can't help but growl at. The other _troll_. A lowblood, standing on two legs, _talking_ like a _human_ , the one your human calls Dakota. Who does he think he is? He may pass as human to the casual observer, with those orange glasses and the mop of hair covering his horns, and whatever paint he uses to cover his skin, but you can tell. Any troll would.

He's always coming around these days, inserting himself where he doesn't belong, which is between Milo and danger. That's _your_ auspisticism he's treading on.

The next time you see him, you'll-

"Hey, Milo," you hear from the house, along with the stench of Dakota and his human. Your hackles are already up, and you edge around the house, growling.

"Dakota and Cavendish?" That's Milo, your Milo. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Just dropping by for a visit," the human, Cavendish, says. You don't hear the rest, scrambling up the back fence as quietly as you can.

Peeking around the side of the house, you growl under your breath. There he is, _Dakota_ , tinted glasses hiding his lowblood-red eyes. Does he think you don't _know_? Has it even crossed his mind? Or is he trying so hard to be _human_ he's forgotten how to be a troll?

Something must tip him off to your presence because he glances up at you. _Good_ , you think, pulling back out of his sight as he mumbles an excuse and walks closer.

As soon as he comes around the corner, you grab his loose jacket by the front, pushing him up against the wall.

He doesn't even _twitch_. "If you're trying to scare me, it's not going to work," he says, so unconcerned it makes you even more furious. More _pitch_ , that's what this has to be. You want to put him in his place, and that place is _under you_ , in more ways than one.

So you kiss him, biting his lip as hard as you can. You want to taste his low blood on your tongue.

" _That's_ what you want?" he chuckles against your fangs, not even bothering to push you away. "I was wondering how long it would take." He sounds so calm when he says it, and you snarl. Does _anything_ shock him? Does he worry about your ashenmate the way you do, or is he unconcerned _there_ too?

Does it _matter_?

He wriggles free, so fast you barely have time to react before he's pinned you to the rough bricks, your arm twisted up behind your back and horns forcing your neck into an uncomfortable angle. "Look, Diogee, I think I know what this is about. The kid, right? You want to look after Milo. Nod if I've got it so far," he says, and you do, reluctantly. "I don't want him hurt any more than you do, believe me, and with the whole _Murphy's Law_ thing he needs all the help he can get. I know you think it's _your_ job to protect him but you can't be there _all_ the time. At least he's resourceful, I'll give him that. So much easier to keep alive than-" Cutting himself off, he sighs. "Just trust me, okay? I know what I'm doing."

Glaring at him from the corner of your eye, you huff. Where did you suggest you _didn't_ trust him? You're _pitch_ for him, not trying to tear him limb from limb. It's not about _if_ he can keep Milo safe, you know he _can_ , just-

"Oh, I think I know what _this_ is. You're _jealous_."

_Now_ he's getting it. You nod, lifting your free claw to trace a club symbol onto the wall, then jerk a thumb in the direction of the front of the house. That's _your_ auspisticism he's messing with.

Letting out a sigh, he releases your arm, stepping back when you turn to bare your teeth at him. "I'm not _ashen_ for him, if that's what you're thinking. I have _Cavendish_ for that. Maybe _pale_ , if anything, but it's probably just human _friendship_. Good enough for you?" He sounds, and looks, exhausted. "I don't _want_ to fight, believe me."

You take the opportunity to rub the feeling back into your arm and slump against the wall, chittering low in your throat. For someone who doesn't want to fight, he does it well. Exactly who you want on your side against Murphy's Law.

"You're not going to give up, are you? I _told_ you, I'm not-"

Shaking your head, you make a spade with your fingers. You need to make sure he's good enough to look after your ashenmate when you're not around. If he can defeat _you_ , he'll be more than able to protect Milo.

He clicks his throat, sounding like a proper _troll_ for the first time. "And here _I_ thought it was all a _misunderstanding_." Placing his hands on the wall, either side of your head, he looms over you. How did you not realise how much taller he is? "You really wanna make this pitch?" he murmurs, baring his pointed teeth in a smirk, all the better for spilling your purple blood. The thought sends a shiver running up your spine and you nod. "Even if _I'm_ the one protecting _your_ auspistice?"

That'll just make him easier to hate. Nodding again, you show him your own fangs, less sharp but still fully functional. You want to hear _everything_. Every reason to loathe him, to trust him, to test yourself against his skills.

Taking off his tinted glasses, he gets right up in your face, the stench of his breath filling the air. You can't look away from his _eyes_. The deep red of them, surrounded by proper troll yellow, is stark against the grey skin he normally conceals. He's not hiding now, meeting you troll to troll. "Because I'd be fine with that," he finishes, lips brushing against yours.

Weak at the knees, you clutch at his clothing to hold yourself up, chittering anxiously for him to make the last move. He's already _won_. All he needs to do now is close the distance, claim your mouth like he _means_ it, and you'll be his kismesis.

He presses your body into the wall again, sinking his fangs into your lip, tearing a submissive chirp from your throat. Defeated by a lowblood. You should probably be more upset about that, but it's been so long since you were this pitch for any troll let alone someone as hateable as this, the hemospectrum is the last of your worries.

Footsteps crunch through the autumn leaves and he steps back, pulling his glasses back over his eyes while you gasp for breath. Back to hiding his troll features.

"Dakota?" The human. Cavendish. He's rounded the corner, looking between you and his troll.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Dakota brushes off his tracksuit and ambles back to his human auspistice, making a rude gesture at you behind his back. "See you later, Diogee. Say hi to Milo for me."

Sliding down the wall and into a pile of leaves, you watch him go, tasting your own blood in your mouth. That went _so_ much better than you could have hoped. He's not ashen for your auspistice, and he's pitch for you. With you and him both looking out for Milo, Murphy's Law shouldn't be a problem.

You don't even mind his stench now. Marking your territory over the lingering traces of it anyway, because he's your kismesis, you trot around to the back door, ready to beg for scritches from your auspistice. Life is good.

**Author's Note:**

> I blame a) my general Petstuck AU of PNF bc why not expand it out to the whole Dwampyverse b) that moment in Game Night where Diogee growled at Dakota.  
> Side note I once saw this ship satirically proposed as an example of why the premise of a different MML ship ("their VAs voiced our ship in PNF! let's ship these ones too!") was ridiculous. Which has nothing to do with this fic's existence probably but it happened. I prefer to ship off character dynamics anyway.
> 
> Okay so. _Worldbuilding._ This is an AU of Dwampyverse where some characters are now Homestuck trolls, and trolls are pets. That's Petstuck, for any non-Homestucks wandering in. Trolls, while equal intelligence to humans (Harkness Test yo), are treated as subhuman/pets here... at least in the present. Dakota's from the future _so_ he can talk and such.
> 
> In the PNF side of this AU it's the agents who are trolls. On this side... well, Vinnie Dakota and Diogee Murphy both have the 6/6 name pattern, _and_ iirc something I could adapt into caliginous feelings from Diogee (the growl from Game Night), so it made sense XD
> 
> Diogee's a purpleblood, sans clown makeup. Dakota's a burgundyblood which now that I think about it probably helps him pass as human in these "trolls as pets" times.
> 
> For any non-Homestucks somehow reading this, I present, quadrants:  
> Matesprit, redrom ♥ smooching bc you like them  
> Moirail, palerom ♦ bff/voice of reason/emotional support, platonic "romance"  
> Kismesis, blackrom ♠ smooching bc you hate them  
> Auspistice, ashenrom ♣ meddling so peeps survive, platonic "romance"
> 
> Anyway this ship exists now. You're welcome.


End file.
